The first thing to do is to lower your expectations. None of these will work as well as the real thing. But you can "get by" with them and hopefully, they will make your camp life a little easier for at least a couple of days.
Cowboy Cooler
You will need:
- A small styrofoam cooler
- A small plastic tote box 7 gal works pretty well. OR;
- an insulated bag.
- Garbage bag
- Towels
1. Place the garbage bag inside the styrofoam cooler and then place the whole thing inside your tote.
2. Begin stuffing towels between the cooler and tote on the inside, all the way around.
3. Fill with stuff and ice. Keep the lids on or in the case of a bag, zipped up.
It should keep for at least two days.
Cowboy Phone Charger
Now, I can't take credit for this. But I remembered reading about it and it does work. I've tried it. You can charge your phone in an emergency with a 9 volt battery, so always keep one and a clickable ball point pen, duct tape, a little aluminum foil and a house key, in your car.
Here's an article that talks about it:
Failing that, I recommend you get a solar powered phone charger. I have used them with great success while camping. You can keep it charged simply by leaving it in the sun. Mine cost about $14 on sale from Amazon aka The Big A.
Cowboy Fire Starter
This one actually works better than you would expect. Dip cotton balls into vaseline. Cover them completely. The trick is to use 100 percent cotton balls, not the fake ones made of whatever that awful stuff is.
Cowboy Boot and Shoe Hack
For those of us who don't appreciate things that slither and crawl, this is absolutely necessary. Out here in the west, it's not just about bugs and spiders. It's about scorpions. A sting from one these little beasties and you will be flat for a week.
Cowboys would often use sticks put in the ground vertically and put their boots on top of them upside down, to prevent creepy crawlies from getting inside while they were sleeping. It's not foolproof but it does seem to work. You could use tent stakes.
Here's a more fool-proof method.
Use dirty socks from your first day that you won't wear again, and put your shoes inside them. Make sure they are completely covered. Voila. No more creepies inside your shoes. This way, you can also keep them in your tent without tracking rocks, mud and other dirt in.
Fix Your Tent Zipper
With soap. Take a dry bar of soap, and rub it along the zipper. Make sure it's completely covered, and then try again. zzzzzzzzzzzzip! :)
Cowboy Camp Stove
Can't afford a camp stove and fuel? No problem! You can make one from a tuna can or any short similar size can and 4 cheap tent stakes (good thing you saved those cheapies that came with your tent). This does require a beer or something nice to drink.
- Empty and eat the contents. Have a sandwich! :) If you are afraid of eating tuna due to mercury content, for the love of God, give it to a starving cat.
- Here is a picture of a starving cat:
- Take off the wrapping on it. (the can, not your sandwich.)
- Fill with alcohol and cotton ball firestarter or anything else that will burn.
- Place tent stakes in the dirt, standing up with the curved end inward, all the way around the tin in the center
- Don't hurt yourself - check yourself for cuts and bruises, to make sure you are okay to proceed. Now is the time to relax and have a beer or wine cooler.
- Light the fire in the can.
- Place your pan on top of the tent stakes and cook.
Snake Rounds And Snake Bite aka Stop Being Stupid
I am the person who is sitting on the edge of your campsite, quiet, and reserved. I don't offer my opinion until and only if I am asked. But sometimes there are times when someone has to speak up.
I hate to talk about this but out here where I live, rattlesnakes are a real danger to everyone. They are plentiful, and help is most often far enough away that it makes sense to just be prepared. I'm not telling anyone to kill them. But there are too many yahoos with guns out there using full rounds.
I am suggesting that you speak to a gun smith about snake rounds and have a separate, different gun available for this purpose only, loaded with those rounds.
If you're going to do it, do it right and don't pose a danger to yourself and others. Using full rounds on a snake is dangerous and ill-advised. Ask for snake rounds. I would much rather that a child or anyone live to tell their tale and possibly face fines or whatever myself, than to have a person die on my watch for lack of preparation. Do not use regular rounds. Use only snake shot. And for God's sake take a safety course of some kind and stop running around like a redneck waving firearms like a shield of honor. It's not.
Now, for the real stuff on snake bites. Don't cut into it, don't use a tourniquet, and for the love of God, don't "suck it out" with your mouth! This is the year 2024. Do NOT use a venom pump or extractor. It is best to simply get the person to civilization as fast as possible. More, expert information on snake bites and how to survive one, is here: https://www.snakebitefoundation.org/blog/2018/9/6/how-to-survive-a-snakebite-in-the-wilderness
Out here, that means driving the highway at over 100 mph, and if you get stopped, explain the situation. The cops will help you and drive you to the nearest hospital. This is no time to start talking about defunding the police.
Do not try to catch the snake that bit you. It's stupid. Just tell them it was a rattlesnake.
Where I live, if you get bit by one of these fellers, you had to really work at it and deserve it. But regardless of who is at fault, don't be stupid. Get yourself to a hospital.
